--License and Registrations Please.
For the first time, I had close to zero expectations.
In retrospect that helped 'soften the blow' when reality finally decided
to rear its head and headbutt me square on the nose as It has done reliably
in the past, but this time I didn't bleed.
On the surface, on its own, it appears to be a good thing doesn't it?
At first it certainly does, but on second thought
(and a third and a fourth..) not so much.
As with many things in my life I tend to over-think them, usually it works
in my favour like finding an efficient solution to a problem or resource management.
But other times it leads to philosophical doubts, such as this one.
Where was I? Oh right, 'A good thing?' not entirely.
Yes it's a good defence per se, but what does that defence mean?
where did it come from?
who put it there?
I would like to see their permits.
It's not the first time I've put myself in a position where from it's easy getting hurt
and I never really gave it a moment's thought just I just did, up until now that is.
One conclusion I arrived at was “Is zero expectation equals loss of hope?”
--I Could Somehow See.
Is it because this time I had a front row seat smack dead in the centre with
a clear line of sight with no-one or no thing to interrupt and make me miss
valuable pieces of data?
perhaps block me from seeing the seams starting to fail?
or is it the fact that I already know this play by heart?
This time I didn't just naively went off on a tangent
(the type of tangent that would make Wolfram Alpha proud) as I usually do
as a type of wishful thinker. I didn't just wholeheartedly
accept things as they seemed instead I challenged them, rocked the ground
they were resting on to see if they hold up.
The thing is, I wasn't aware I was doing that, it wasn't a conscious decision.
I had asked myself several times "Who was that just now?”
Have you started feeling eerie already?
--Differently the Same.
Intermission, the wounded curtain fell on the first and second acts
the main motive was the same but the dialects were slightly different.
I found myself backstage pondering whether to just quite I mean what
do I care where this play ends up, apparently I'm just the substitute.
In fact I've watched the third and final act unfold before and this time
is no different, is it?
Your job is not yet done.
Right it doesn't feel the same as it did the first time or similar
to the ones immediately following.
It has started to gradually morph into something you need to learn all over again
and that's okay it is a part of growing and evolving into something more than
you were the day before, the hour before it and the moment that you chose
that you want her in your life in the first place.
Remember when you did, remind her as to why and have comfort
in the fact that she does as well.